Feeling burnt out, school work seems to be ganging up for a horde effect. After everything I have done, blackboard still is glitching or something. I am still minus twenty-five points for one of my classes when it is the difference between and A and a B. I have to admit, I am also a little sadened by the fact that once again my friend's boyfriend has beat me out for her time. Every time I think I might have a chance, it is a no. Then I am left to pick up the pieces. I am tired of that being my job but I would do only that if only to have some of my friend's time. I wish that setting a date on the calendar would work but who knows, I am sure he would be there and be jelous of me even breathing the same air. She never stops it either...but then again, when she is in love, it is all she sees. Tisk tisk Kell, she is happy. Is that not all that matters. I should be happy for her and I am but I miss her so much. I miss my other friend too. I am sending them halloween gifts but I wish I could see them, just hang out. How long has it been? Have I even seen them at all this year? I have no clue. Time stands still while it whizzes past and rewinds. I swear, every day, I think it should unravel and everything I worked for is but is not. In this sense, I would like to be like everyone else. They see time as a flowing path that only goes one way. Does it make things more bearable? Easier to handle? I think about time a lot. When things are not as they seem in the same instant that they scream what they are, what is to be believed? As winter approaches to still the earth's life and renew it, I wonder if I will get to see such exquisite frames of life again. Nothing is ever the same, which is why I love outside so much. Indoors, walls retain their shape and bleakness untill improved but nature is ever changing, calling attention to itself while still hiding in the background. Sitting in the grass or standing still, you can feel the earth moving. It makes me happy to know that the planet we live on is also alive, albeit not in a way that is equal to us but in some ways better. This campus is so beautiful in every season but the humans that inhabit it's space... some of them take it all for granted. Coming here just to run free of the "constraints" their parents gave them. Does it not matter to anyone else that no matter what you do, you will know? If you do not know, does that not make it worse? Of all the ways to free oneself, drugs and drinking are not the best ways. I am not sating that some did not deserve to fly, I am merely wondering why people feel the need to do those activities all the time. Once in a while for some things is not horrible but it harms your body if done excessively. Why waste a miracle? When approaching a certain time of night, I become suseptible to my thoughts and I let all of them rage their private little wars in the light of my mind. Knowing that most people do not read these, I think it is a nice way to let myself have my way without being worried about a terrible outcome.